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You might be a Democrat if…

The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the author.

In 1989, Jeff Foxworthy produced a hilarious best-selling book titled “You might be a redneck if…” that was an instant sensation and is 30 years old printing with over a million copies sold.

Foxworthy has since produced a number of other successful “You might be a Redneck…” books and spin-offs such as “The Redneck Dictionary” with new twists, angles and updates.

The book's premise is based on the comedic antics of a subculture of lovable Americans whose lifestyle is considered “country” but who live their lives in contented, unaffected, carefree happiness. know by the opinions of others and the society that surrounds them. Its habitat is the south, southwest and midwest of the USA. It's the 21stSt Century's answer to Ma and Pa Kettle…hardworking, funny, passionately patriotic, rural, self-sufficient, Christian, family-friendly and friendly.

Rednecks are not a group that seeks to intentionally harm others or convert them to their lifestyle or way of thinking. They're people you'd like to have a beer with while fishing from a river and listening to Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson on the radio. In a bar fight, you'd want them on your side.

Below are some examples from Foxworthy's original “You might be a Redneck If…

  • your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sporting event.
  • your wife's hairstyle has been ruined by a ceiling fan.
  • your grandmother keeps a spittoon on the ironing board.
  • you've been on TV more than once describing what the tornado sounded like.
  • Have you ever waved to traffic from your front porch in just your underwear?.

A similar book could easily be written about another group of residents of the United States, albeit an assembly of people who are not at all likable, much less lovable or laughable except for their indignation. These people are downright toxic and vehemently anti-American. They are mostly found in the far west and northeast of the US and clustered in Washington, DC. They are democrats.

Joe Biden, the noxious Pa Kettle in the White House is not at all affable, honest or humorous. He is a cognitively impaired Ebenezer Scrooge with no prospect of redemption or salvation. His Tiny Tim is a drugged up son, Hunter, who would hit you with his crack pipe and steal your wallet.

A redneck friend once told me, “Getting a Democrat to do something good for America is like trying to get a cat off the porch with a string.”

To paraphrase Foxworthy's theme “I might be a Democrat if…”.

  • you believe that the Biden family is not totally corrupt and that Joe Biden is not the most corrupt president in history.
  • you believe Joe Biden is actually making decisions and formulating policy and not a White House cabal of former Obama staffers and DC swamp bureaucrats.
  • You think the Chinese gave diamonds to Hunter Biden because they like the guy, not because diamonds don't show up in wire transfers or bank records.
  • can you name a single product or service, other than the “Big Guy” that the Biden family provided to their customers in Russia, Kazakhstan, Ukraine, China and Romania.
  • Watch and believe MSNBC as it rewrites the claim that Hunter's laptop is Russian disinformation following the accusation that an FBI source is actually a Russian spy.
  • read the Washington Post i News from New York and listen to the National Public Radio, etc. and believe that there is some ethics left in journalism.
  • You think Biden defying the Supreme Court and continuing to forgive loans for college graduates and transfer their debt to people who never attended college is fair.
  • You think it's okay for illegals to enter the country without any ID, get on a government funded bus or plane to wherever they want and get “walk for money”, free housing and a phone, while the North -Americans have to go through customs. and border patrol and show their passport when they return home from abroad.
  • you think that men can be women, women can be men, and that there are more than two sexes.
  • you think it's okay for men to compete on sports teams against women and to dress and shower in women's locker rooms.
  • cross all state and federal prosecutions brought against Donald Trump by the district attorneys of Georgia and New York during this election year 2024 are not politically motivated.
  • you wear a kefiya, burn Israeli flags, sing “Palestine will be free from the river to the sea” and beat, harass and threaten Jewish students on US college campuses.
  • defend the slaughter of 1,200 Israelis while celebrating the butchers of Hamas who committed the worst atrocity since the Holocaust.
  • You burn down businesses, block traffic, threaten, beat and kill bystanders in the name of racial equality and get away with it.
  • you rally for Black Lives Matter, a violent racist group that collects millions for what it says is “racial equality” and then spends it on its founders' lavish lifestyles, including mansions.
  • do you think it's a good idea to defund the police and that local prosecutors and judges no longer have to punish looters, thieves, car thieves, stalkers, rioters, shoplifters, etc.
  • You think that a male admiral in a suit, demanding troops follow a protocol of insipid pronouns, “green” environmental standards, and a secretary of defense that no one can locate produces a strong military deterrent rather than ridicule and Laugh.
  • Think zero-emission vehicles run on electricity instead of a variety of fossil fuels, including coal, which actually generate the electricity.
  • promotes killing full-term babies minutes after birth and then protests and litigation against pro-life groups.
  • Do you think it's legitimate for the FBI to investigate parent groups protesting their school boards' decisions to provide age-inappropriate sex books and curriculum to their children?
  • you think teachers unions benefit students.
  • You thought it was okay to close churches, parks, beaches and schools during the covid pandemic while keeping casinos and bars open and firing employees who refused to get vaccinated.
  • Think Ivy League schools with endowments (eg Harvard $50.7 billion and Yale $40.7 billion) that exceed the market value of most publicly traded corporations should not have to pay taxes and can continue to offer expensive worthless securities with little or no return on investment.

There are many, many more, but space limitations prevent listing them all.

In short, Democrats believe that the novel 'Nineteen Eighty-Four' by George Orwell is an instruction manualthat the founding fathers were racist and ignore that their party was built on a history of supporting such despicable causes as slavery, Jim Crow, the Ku Klux Klan, and eugenics.

Conservatives favor small government, individualism, low taxes, a strong military, and tough-on-crime programs. Democrats want a massive national government made up of endless bureaucracies that control every aspect of American life and let criminals roam the streets and illegals spill over the border.

American conservatives who publicly defend their beliefs are considered outrageous by Democrats. Those who aren't aren't being outrageous enough.


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You might be a Democrat if…
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